Episode 27: The Love Doctor

Why do some people feel like they know the answer to every relationship problem? Now, to be fair, some of my friends do come to me and ask for advice about a person they are seeing or interested in. To avoid sounding like the "Hating-A$$-Girlfriend" I usually tell my friend that I am simply giving my opinion if I was in their position. But then there are the other people, who will give you advice, basically telling you what you are going to do, and some people who are very gullible, take the advice. Some of the advice may be helpful, but some advice could be hurtful. They may be the ones saying "Don't make her your girlfriend, then you can't hit the club wit us no mo'" or "If you ask me that man has got a tight grip on you, if you asked me." Ironically, nobody asked that person, but they are always willing to offer a word. These people can be identified by the inclusion of themselves in their opinions or your solution. For example:

• Girl 1: I really like this guy. I want him to be my boyfriend.
• Girl 2: Why? He ain't a real man. If I were you I would use him for his money.
• Girl 1: But I don't want to hurt him.
• Girl 2: I don't want to hurt him either, but WE need rent money.

How the hell did her rent money end up in my solution?

There is also the person who back you up in any and EVERY decision you make. This person can be easily identified by the template responses such as "Girl, I would do that to if I were you" or "Yeah brody, that how you handle that ho". For example, in this conversation...

• Boy 1: She isn't the prettiest girl I been with right?
• Boy 2: Nah bro. Far from the prettiest. You can do SO much better. 
• Boy 1: So I should just end things now with her, right?
• Boy 2: Yeah man, on to the next one (Swizzy voice)

This person is also know as your YES man. But be careful, sometimes your "yes man" could be HER next man. Yeah, they may not have your best interest in mind and you may end up having a conversation like this...

• Boy 1: Are you seeing my girl?
• Boy 2: Correction, EX girl.
• Boy 1: MANNNN, That is some &#($ $*@$( @*(#  HN Fbsdfj E#*U#I(E...

I classify these types of people as the "Love Doctors". Have you met the Love Doctor? You know, they may be your friend, your brother, your cousin, or a customer at your job. The person who thinks they got a PhD in mack-ology from MIT; the person who thinks they were childhood best friends with Socrates and Plato.

Love Doctor (n): A person who is all up in your business and who thinks they can solve any relationship problem you have, but not problems of their own.

How do you make an appointment with the Love Doctor you ask?

Well the term "Doctor" is a very inaccurate term. You don't actually have to make an appointment or even ask for help. They are the one usually willing to offer a solution before a problem arises with lines like ...

• You better put her in check early
• You can't make him feel too important.
• When she gets fat, and she will, put her out the house until she loses weight
• On your wedding night, don't have sex with him.

Sounds ridiculous right? All I'm saying is to make sure you are accepting advice from the right people, the people who have an honest opinion and your best interest,

Or you can call the I Need Love hotline: 1(800)Chanelle-Got-Yo-Back.com...squared 

Or just sing this song and I will appear.