Episode 28: Ode to Amy

Episode 27: The Love Doctor

Why do some people feel like they know the answer to every relationship problem? Now, to be fair, some of my friends do come to me and ask for advice about a person they are seeing or interested in. To avoid sounding like the "Hating-A$$-Girlfriend" I usually tell my friend that I am simply giving my opinion if I was in their position. But then there are the other people, who will give you advice, basically telling you what you are going to do, and some people who are very gullible, take the advice. Some of the advice may be helpful, but some advice could be hurtful. They may be the ones saying "Don't make her your girlfriend, then you can't hit the club wit us no mo'" or "If you ask me that man has got a tight grip on you, if you asked me." Ironically, nobody asked that person, but they are always willing to offer a word. These people can be identified by the inclusion of themselves in their opinions or your solution. For example:

• Girl 1: I really like this guy. I want him to be my boyfriend.
• Girl 2: Why? He ain't a real man. If I were you I would use him for his money.
• Girl 1: But I don't want to hurt him.
• Girl 2: I don't want to hurt him either, but WE need rent money.

How the hell did her rent money end up in my solution?

There is also the person who back you up in any and EVERY decision you make. This person can be easily identified by the template responses such as "Girl, I would do that to if I were you" or "Yeah brody, that how you handle that ho". For example, in this conversation...

Episode 26: Ebony and Ivory

So many of my readers should be friends with me on facebook. And one of the perks of being my friend is being able to see my relationship status.

Background:

My "husband" and I met around junior year in high school in our guitar class (how romantic). I was totally enchanted by his musical abilities (let me gas his head a little). And about a year later, senior year, we declared to be unofficially married. And ever since then, we have been happily married (that's like 4 years now).
So talking with a black facebook friend today, he asked me

• "Why are you married to a white guy, are you one of those black girls who act white"

Now first of all, how does a black girl with dreads and dark skin act white? And secondly, I wanted to know what was wrong with being married to a white guy. But I decided to respond,

• "No, I'm not married to him."

So he says "I secretly hate black women with white men, no racist tho" lol I don't think he meant to be racist, as racist as that sounded.
This is not the first time I have heard a black guy say this, so to my defense I said,

• "What about black men with white girls"

To my surprise, he went on to explain that he didn't like seeing that either. He said he wasn't into white girls, spanish girls, or any kind of exotic girls (who doesn't like exotic, I look exotic) unless they looked black (Ohh). Now I understand where he's coming from because NOONE knows how to comb a little black girls hair, except a black woman (It's been proven), But I've never heard a black man say he would NEVER date a woman outside of his race because...

Episode 25: Gimmie That Brand New

This is a first for me. I am actually writing something about someone else, someone at the beginning of their career, So if you make it big...

You OWE me back like you owe your rent beeyotch!

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Brand New Presents: Nybor

I know people enjoy BRAND NEW. Brand new shoes, brand new man, even the new car smell, so I'm here to bring you brand new music from an up and coming artist who I happen to know personally (We split all profits 90:10). I knew this girl for the majority of my life, whether we were playing in the band together, or visiting Disney World...for concerts. Come to think of it, this girl seems to always do something with music. I decided that as the first official blog for her, I'll just write the tell-all book now. I knew her since elementary school when she went by the name Robyn and I was always the smarter, funnier one. She was the one playing the flute while I was playing the more interesting CLARINET. After parting ways for a while, we ended up going to the same high school (no frikkin way) but I totally knew she was following me. She was the band geek and I was the cool chorus kid who had to come together for concerts, trips, etc. I decided to spend my life studying the realms of math while she continued to study the evolution of Hip Hip. 


Her stage name is Nybor (which is Robyn backwards, that took me so long to get.) She just released her premiere mixtape a couple of days ago titled "Vertigo" which can be downloaded here or here for FREE (and we All love free). If someone told me she was going to be a rapper, I would've bet money against it (Sorry girlie) but now I'm proud of her. I like her music because she is like a mix between Waka Flocka and Nicki Minaj (She's like Waka Minaj). Ok maybe not, but she is ultra lyrical. If you're one of those people who listens to music just to dance to the beat (like me), this record might change that. You guys know that if this tape was trash, I would not waste my time even listening to it, let alone writing a whole blog post about it. And even though I'm not on ANY track (not even one), you should take a listen to the tape for yourself, and start a protest to get me on the next mixtape!

I would have to say my favorite track is Call and Fold of course because it has a math reference in it "I'm all about my positives like a double negative." Robyn, I really love you for this one. Any song with mathematical references in it is okay by me. 


If you want to talk to the magnificent artist yourself, 
follow her on twitter @NyboRtsuJ
And tweet her, she always tweets back.


For more info on this tape...

Episode 24: Never Have I Ever

Remember playing this game at parties, or even just hanging out with friends? Well I played this game a few times and I thought I would share with you guys some of the things I have NEVER done, some of which I would like to one day. So feel free to pull up a chair and grab a glass of vodka, a can of beer, a bottle of Colt 44 (or whatever its called) and play along with me. If you have done something on my list, let me know how it was. Leave a comment or tweet me pon tweetah...

@CDotScandal 

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#NeverHaveIEver

1. Never have I ever kissed a guy on the first date. I always save that for the second date if there is one *side eye* Very few make it passed the first date. 
2. Never have I ever been scuba diving. This is because I have never really been to any exotic places which leads me to...
3. Never have I ever been to Mexico, Brazil, Spain, Italy, Paris...you know all those romantic places. I'm going on a cruise next year though. I'm going EVERYWHERE!
4. Never have I ever recorded a song, even though I spent 4 years of my life studying music in High School (Vocal and Guitar). BAYSIDE STAND UP!
5. Never have I ever sang a solo in church. I'm just the shyest little thing.
6. Never have I ever been on a road trip. I would really like to take one though. Maybe next summer. Where to go though? Wherever my gas tank allows.
7. Never have I ever had a boyfriend. Like a real "Come meet my parents" boyfriend. I'm dead serious, check my facebook photos. But while we're at it I prefer a guy with a car and a job. I got my own I want him to have his own too.
8. Never have I ever been skydiving. I've been zip lining and the rush was INCREDIBLE so I imagine sky diving is 10x better.
9. Never have I ever been to a thrift store, Salvation Army, etc but I'm ready to swallow my pride when my best friend shows me what I've been missing.
10. Never have I ever signed up for a credit card. I know I know, but I want one sooooo badly. MasterCard, here I come!

Continue playing #NeverHaveIEver with me on twitter.

BTW: Just because it isn't on my list, doesn't mean I've done it. 

I hope you're not too drunk to read my x-rated #NeverHaveIEver's...

Episode 23: I'm Single Again

I'm am going to talk about a topic that I know all too well...

I'm Single Again, Back On the Prowl 

So I was talking to my friend, who I called Mr. D in Episode 2, today. So of course as usual he wanted to hang out. So me, being Chanelle, told him "You can come visit me when you catch a ride with a man who is cute and SINGLE." (That way I already knocked out 3 of my criteria, Cute, Single, Car). So Mr. D decides to TRY and brighten my day by telling me:

• I'm single now, my girlfriend and I broke up.

The response he expected was:

• Oh really =D. Finally! Lets celebrate by having unprotected sex now.

Negative. The response I did gave him was:

• Oh really, when and how did that happen?

He continued to explain that he kept having little arguments with his girlfriend and he couldn't take it and they split. So me, being the great friend that I am, asked him:

• Well, are you mad or sad about the situation?

He went on to explain to me the rules of a relationship:

• When it first happened, I was mad but now I know shes going to call and ask to get back together like always. (Excuse me player? Like always?!?! What the hell does that mean?) We've done this a few times before, we'll get back together. 

If you're confused, then that makes two of us because I was always under the impression that when two people break up, they never have the intention of getting back together, even though some couples do. But then again, I'm a virgin to relationships, so he explained to me that he was single for the moment, not on a break (like I had thought).


So if you break up with someone, do you have the same privileges as a person who is single, even if you have the intention of getting back together with your significant other. What is the point of "breaking up" if the two of you will just get back together again. You ain't single stupid @$$!

The more I am exposed to this relationship stuff, the less appealing is seems.

Episode 22: Someone Like You

What a weekend!

I wish everyone enjoyed their 4th of July as much as I did.

If not, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but this weekend wasn't one.

Something I Did This Week:

I joined EHarmony. I didn't actually pay the subscription fee but I just needed to be reminded that there are other people in this world who are single like me. =/

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Now on to more important stuff...

Have You Ever...

So there's this guy I used to talk but due to insinuating circumstances (idk what that means but I've always wanted to use it) we no longer talk. But I always wondered how awkward it would be to call him in the future and find out he has a wife and kids. Well Adele (being the amazing person she is) decided to write a song summing up exactly how I would feel. It's called "Someone Like You" and my favorite part is:

"I hate to turn up out of the blue uninvited

But I couldn't stay away, I couldn't fight it.

I had hoped you'd see me face and that you'd be reminded

That for me it isn't over

Never mind I'll find someone like you."

I never thought I would have this feeling because it hurts and I hate it but I have to remember that I am a robot human. 

Click "read more" at the end of the post for the full lyrics.

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Love At First Sight
So there's this guy I knew practically for my whole life, but we got really close when he started dating one of my best friends in 7th or 8th grade (So we've been like brother and sister for at least 7 years). I have an obscene obsession with sitting on my front porch and since he lives like 1 minute away walking, I always ask him to sit on my porch with me. Well yesterday (while I'm getting my drink on celebrating the 4th of July) he tells me "I like you". *Tires Screeching* WTF?. There are so many things wrong with this situation.

1. WTF?
2. You dated my friend, one of my best friends at that.
3. You just got out of a relationship.
4. You don't even know my last name.
5. Some others I can't mention since my blog is rated G.
6. You blurted it out like it was supposed to be a secret you kept forever.

You been off limits since you dated my friend, even if it was just the 7th grade. I didn't know I missed the rim because I'm not a rebound. You either try to score with me first or not at all. But what I was really confused about was, can he really like a girl he doesn't know a thing about. Like really, my last name though, it has 4 letters and one is repeated so technically it has 3. But besides that, It goes back to the saying "Do you believe in love at first sight?" because I damn sure don't. The reasoning for 4 I'll lets your imagination run with that one. And the top reason, why was he acting like it was a hidden treasure I secretly found. If you didn't want me to know you liked me, who did you want to know? I want a guy who would shout it from the rooftop that he likes me. =) (I want my prince charming, isn't there a club where they all hang out?). But this chapter ended way before it began so can someone please tell him to move on to the next one because he wasn't even on my list. KThanx.