Episode 16: Lies Men/Women Tell

Thank GOD its Friday...and you know what that means...

It's SEXY  FRIDAY

Sex is like grapes. 

If you rush, it'll be over before you had a chance to begin.

So take your time. Prepare for each juicy grape, 

Savor the flavors. ...

or SMASH them all and pray they don't have seeds.

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Reminder:
Episode 2 of the CDotScandal Webseries is on my YOUTUBE CHANNEL now.

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8 Lies Men Tell

I'm not one of those 'men bad, female power' type of females, I would've called this segment Truths Men Tell, but there wasn't enough truths to write.

1. I wasn't even looking at that girl. FALSE!
• If I saw her I know you saw her
• How did I catch you looking at her? I have eyes in the back of my head.
• This is true if: You were probably doing more than just looking.
2. I could make your bed rock. FALSE!
• You have not proven yourself worthy enough to be in my bed.
• You couldn't make a pebble ROCK.
• This is true if: He was helping me move my bed.
3. I erased every other female out of my phone. FALSE!
• We just met 2 weeks ago which means you never had any girls in your phone to begin with
• What about your sister, and your mom, and Julie from 3rd grade?
• This is true if: He has a little black book somewhere.
4. I never came that quick before. FALSE!
• You're just lying to me and yourself.
• It's not the first time this has happened.
• This is true if: He's a virgin.
5. I don't have any condoms. FALSE!
• You are too damn lazy too look, since you haven't used them in a while.
• You want to get me pregnant by "forgetting" to use the Pull Out Method
• This is true if: You don't plan on having sex either.
6. I don't go down on females. FALSE!
• You don't talk about going down on females. Everyone dines on southern cuisine. 
• You want to get me mad to have angry sex?
• This is true if: Every relationship you had, FAILED.
7. I'm at my friends house. FALSE!
• You are either at the club or at some other girls house.
• Why do I hear Trey Songz in the background?
• This is true if: He's having an affair with homeboy
8. I don't have a girlfriend. FALSE!
• Yes you do.
• and YES you do.
• This is true if; He's a PIMP, Player, Ho or has a lot of kids.

So to be fair, I think i'll let the guys in (PAUSE) on...

8 Lies Women Tell

Get your notepad out.

1. You're the best I ever had. FALSE!
• If you were the best, I wouldn't tell you that  you were the best.
• A female might say this if she thinks you're crazy.
• This is true if: You're the only one shes ever had.
2. I'm not having sex right now. FALSE!
• I'm not having sex WITH YOU right now. 
• I don't want you to talk to me anymore.
• This is true if: I've never had sex
3. I don't go down on guys. FALSE!
• In order to keep the image of a lady, we don't TALK about going down.
• We've been practicing since we could eat Popsicles. 
• This is true if: I've never had a Popsicle.
4. I wasn't talking to any other guys before I met you. FALSE!
• I wasn't talking to any guys that you will ever find out about.
• Chances are I kept talking to them after I met you.
• This is true if: Well its never true but I really want to keep you.
5. I came like 10 times. FALSE!
• Poor guy doesn't even know what a real orgasm looks like.
• I should be a actress.
• This is true if: I used a vibrator.
6. I don't want a man. FALSE!
• I may not want one but I need one.
• We were designed to need men for various reasons. (Money, sex, money, children, money)
• This is true if: You're a lesbian. But even lesbians need men if they want babies.
7. I'm not trying to look good for a man. FALSE!
• We wear make-up
• We buy tight clothes
• We make sure every nook and cranny is clean, you know JUST IN CASE.
• This is true of: I don't have to try to look good.
8. I have a boyfriend. FALSE!
• I wish I had a boyfriend.
• I told you that right after you asked for my number.
• This is true if: I'm walking with him.

And of course...

Lies We All Tell:

1. My phone was off. FALSE!
2. I'm on my way. FALSE!

People, stop lying out there. 

Would the world be that bad if we were honest?

Yeah probably


*This post was meant to entertain NOT to be used as a questioning tool for those of you in a relationship.*
Thank you

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